2020

It was the best of times.

It was the worst of times.

It was the age of wisdom, 

It was the age of foolishness.

It was the epoch of belief, 

it was the epoch of incredulity, 

it was the season of Light, 

it was the season of Darkness, 

it was the spring of hope, 

it was the winter of despair, 

we had everything before us, 

we had nothing before us, 

we were all going direct to Heaven, 

we were all going to Hell…

It was the year of Jokers. 

The year of fools.

The year of fear.

We learned a lot about ourselves. 

It brought the worst in us.

The best in us.

It made us think.

Made us see…

Distant to the nature.

Distant to ourselves.

We relearned how to love.

How to hate.

How to cry.

How to laugh.

This year…

I died. 

I was reborn.

I relieved.

I relived.

I met you.

I met myself.

I met them.

I learned to love.

What cannot be loved.

To appreciate.

To care.

To smile.

To show the light.

To you.

To them.

To myself.

It is ours. 

This world.

This time.

All the fuck-ups.

All the shame.

All the blame.

We deserved it.

We earned it.

We live it.

And we will survive this.

Because we have each other.

We believe in love.

We believe in pain.

Here we us!

There is a crack, a crack in everything,

That is how the light gets in...

Damnation.

 There's a place where you go if you try to kill yourself, and you don't succeed. The underworld. The world where you survived. But you didn't. Things are a little worse than in the real world. And every time you try to kill yourself, you wake up in a new interworld of the interworld. A place little shittier than before. 

I was lying on the floor and collected the remains. Time for thinking. I was supposed to be dead, and I wasn't. Your gaze stopped me. You were looking at me. You were hungry.

Time. For thinking. So… I was supposed to be dead, and I wasn’t. So I shouldn't give a fuck. From today on, everything is a bonus. So, if I become a jerk, if I start talking and doing whatever I want, as long as I want, when I get bored of it and when I overdo it - I can always try to kill myself again, and wake up in a new shittier interworld. 

It doesn't fail to surprise me.

I got up from the floor and opened the fridge.

Fuck it, let's eat ice cream today.

Mama will soon be home.

I am glad I have you little one. But why did you not appear in my original world? Why I needed to die in order for you to appear?